Overheard on the sidelines of the Demographic Olympics.

OKAY, TEAM ASIA, we did great this round. Fantastic news right off the bat: Our numbers are up. Fourteen million! That's right, 5 percent of the red-white-and-blue is yellow.

That's huge, people. We only just got here! More than 60 percent of us were born in Asia. Mostly in China, Taiwan, India, and the Philippines. Sure, there's more of us, but we're bunching up in the blue states. We can do better! How about spreading some Yellow Fever to the red states? (I'm looking at you, Californians and Hawaiians.)

Okay, ready for more? Are you sure? 'Cause I'm here to tell you: We kicked butt in education! Woo-hoo! Super high marks all around. A fifth of us have advanced degrees. How about that? And almost half of us have college degrees. That's the highest proportion of college graduates of any ethnic group. Go ahead, say it with me, "We're Number One! We're Number One!" Doesn't it feel good?

We're not only smart, we're rich! Our median household income in 2004 was $57,518. Again, that's the highest among all race groups. Yellow is the new green! You bet!

On second thought, no betting. Too many gamblers in our demo already. Boo! Hiss! No wonder our poverty rate's almost 10 percent. No more trips to Reno. Kick that habit! You can do it!

All right, let's give a big hand to the entrepreneurs among us. Their number rose by 24 percent from 1997. Well, aren’t we industrious? In 2004, 1.1 million of us ran our own businesses, raking in $343.3 billion in total receipts. That's a lot of pom-poms!

Okay, special announcement! We have to commend some outstanding players on the team. Go Indians! The median household income for Indian Americans in 2004 was $68,771. And get this, 68 percent have a bachelor's degree and 37 percent have a graduate degree. Boy, they're putting the East Asians to shame! Who's the model minority now?

Overall, we're doing great as a team, though some of us could use a little more pep in our step. The Vietnamese Americans have pulled even with white America, but we know they can do better. Cambodian Americans have also picked up the pace. The Laotians and the Hmong…. Well, they're trying their darnedest and we salute them. That's okay! That's all right! We all know you'll hit your stride!

Time for a group cheer! Yes, another one.

Give me a C. Give me an E. Give me an N. Give me an S. Give me an U. Give me an S. What does it spell? CENSUS!

We've got another one coming up in four years—let's really make it count. We're on track to reach 8 percent of the total population by 2050, but let's keep our fingers crossed for immigration reform. We need to bring our undocumented peeps into the cheering section.

Wait…. Omigod, you're right. That's gonna wreck our income figures. We can't have that! Okay, team, let's put our thinking caps on. We've got to crunch some numbers.

Who's good at math? •