THIS WAS THE YEAR when Asian-American men shot the hell out of their own wimpy, well-behaved stereotype. We’re talking of course about the Krazy Korean Killer, Seung-Hui Cho, and Kenneth “Asian Supremacist” Eng. As with postal workers, drive-by shooters, road ragers and bullied goth kids, these things tend to come in waves. Always on the cutting edge, Tripmaster Monkey lays down the odds on who’s snapping next.

Hello, Kitty: Sanrio’s depressed character, Badtz Maru is the one everyone assumes will be the one to go postal, but we disagree and nominate the do-no-wrong princess herself. Oh, Hello Kitty, sure, you’ve got lots of friends, but you’re always the quiet one in the bunch. No one sees the Hello Kitty that cries inside desperately for attention, do they? You’re always saying hello to everyone, even complete strangers. How soon before you snap? Faster, Pussycat, Kill, Kill! Odds: 4:1.

Harajuku Girls: They’re packing heat behind those smiles. One day they’ll break free of Gwen Stefani and they’re gonna do more than just hollaback, girl. Odds: 8:1.

Nail-Salon Ladies: Wouldn’t handling people’s feet all day long while being treated like a pre-ball Cinderella drive you nuts? And it doesn’t help that these gals have been the butt of a lot of stand-up comedy routines lately. And have been getting smacked around by hip-hop divas. Society’s only advantage is the the fumes from the nail polish keep most of them in a drugged, if cranky, stupor. Our odds: 9:1.

Thai Scrabble Champions: Not on the same level of nuttiness as Asian-American English majors, but they can spell Uzi and Kalashnikov like nobody’s business. 10:1.

Tila Tequila: When she figures out that having lots of MySpace friends doesn’t really translate into record sales or election votes, just STDs, she’ll be gunning for you. She did say, “I. Will. Fuck. You. Up.” Odds: 12:1.

French Lao Rappers: Because anyone who raps in French and Lao is seriously O.G., yo. Odds: 15:1.

Chinese Delivery Men: Given a rising spate of murders over the last few years, we wouldn’t be surprised if these guys are delivering a different version of the War Bar to you sometime soon. And they’ll have a getaway bicycle nearby. The current strike in NYC means some of them have a lot of time to be pent-up. Here’s a hint: Be a good tipper. Odds: 15:1.

Tech Support: Your buddy in the cubicle who’s spending more time looking at the Heckler & Koch website than playing solitaire and watching YouTube? He needs watching. Odds: 20:1.

Angry Asian Adoptees: Here’s a hint, within 10 years, rebel Maddox and Pax and the rest of Angelina’s Benetton bunch will be the least of our worries. China, Vietnam, Cambodia or Korea, take your pick, if you dare. Odds: 20:1.

Filipino Airport Workers: “Look, lady, I can read. It says ‘fragile.’ I know what ‘fragile’ means. I’m not some illiterate peasant from Mindanao. I’m not some Marcos flunkie. Do you know how many goddamn people come up to me every day like I don’t know which way is up? I’m sick of it. Like I’m not going to drop-kick your suitcase full of ‘fragile’ heirlooms as soon as I go behind the black-rubber door. Have a nice flight now!” Odds 25:1.

Korean-American Shopkeepers: We know they’re packing heat, and they’ve shot people before, but they haven’t gone on a rampage. Yet. Still, we say avoid shops where the owners have pictures of Charlton Heston on the wall. Odds: 50:1.

Hmong Hunters: Frankly, they already shot their load, speaking both figuratively and literally, in the 2004 case when a Hmong hunter opened fire on six hunters in Wisconsin. There remains a high incidence of gun ownership, however, so we could be wrong. Odds: 75:1.

Math Nerds: If you’ve got three guns, and 92 bullets, and you fire at a rate of 3 bullets per minute, how many minutes do you have before the cops arrive? The ever-unpopular Asian-American math nerds have it all figured out already! But they’re out of shape, and hard to pry away from Grand Theft Auto. Odds: 100:1.

The bottomline, dear non-Asian readers, is don’t ever tell an Asian person in America to “Go back to China” or use any of the following Asian fightin’ words. You have been warned. •