HEY, RABBLEROUSERS! Got a grievance against China? (And let’s face it, who doesn’t?) Well, there’s still time to get on the Bash Beijing Bandwagon as the Olympic torch makes its way through Asia from now until May 3 (unless the IOC chickens out). Don’t let the “Free Tibet” chanters, Darfur activists and Falun Gong loonies hog the spotlight! Get your rage on!

April 16 Islamabad Pakistanis take to the streets with burning effigies at the drop of a match, so imagine what they’ll do in support of China’s other oppressed ethnic group, the Muslim Uighur minority of Xinjiang.

April 17 New Delhi India, the base for Tibet’s government-in-exile, braces for escalating protests. “The potential for acts of self-immolation [by Tibetan monks] cannot be dismissed,” security officials say. Human Molotov cocktails … now that’s a way to make a point.

April 19 Bangkok Burma’s doorstep provides a good venue for poo-pooing China’s support of the democracy-crushing, Buddhist-monk-beating military junta of Yangon.

April 20–22 Kuala Lumpur and Jakarta Expect more demonstrations in support of China’s oppressed Muslims. Anti-Chinese sentiment is running high in the Muslim world.

April 24 Canberra In Australia, big protests are planned against the assorted evils that an emergent China represents: Environmental Degradation, Plummeting Labor Standards (i.e. Slave Labor), Threats to International Consumer Safety, Internal Political Repression, External Support for Brutish Regimes Around the World.

April 26 Nagano Japan’s famous peace activists may try to shine the spotlight on China’s nefarious arms deals with rogue nations and its stockpiling of nukes.

April 27–28 Seoul and Pyongyang The Korean-born U.N. chief Ban Ki-moon has already said he’ll be skipping the opening ceremonies in Beijing. Why not throw more fuel on fire by calling attention to China’s coddling of North Korea?

April 29 Ho Chi Minh City Will Vietnam pile on with renewed demands for the Spratly Islands? It’s not like China needs more land!

May 2–3 Hong Kong and Macau The fledging democrats of China’s newest Special Administrative Regions may well use this opportunity to call for human rights and stuff.

At this point, China may want to rethink the torch’s six-week, 46-stop tour of the Chinese mainland, especially its plan to take the fire to Tibet. Maybe save the fireworks for the opening ceremony? Just a thought. •