Sadly, Mitchell’s not 007’s love interest in the latest release of the franchise, Casino Royale. But that doesn’t mean the British superspy exists in a whitebread world of international intrigue. No, Asians have been central to the 21 films, from evil genius Dr. No to Hong Kong masseuse Peaceful Fountains of Desire. Join us now for a look at the best, the baddest and the bedded.

1962: Dr. No

Wow. It’s “yellow peril” right from the start with Dr. Julius No, a brilliant Eurasian scientist, who describes himself as an “unwanted child of a German missionary and a Chinese girl of a good family.” Aren’t they all?

He later became treasurer of the most powerful criminal society in China and escaped to America with $10 million in gold bullion. He specialized in atomic energy, a hobby that cost him both of his hands. Never one to let that sort of thing get him down, he replaced them with bionic ones. And bit the big one by getting boiled alive. A fat lot of good those robot hands did him.

The other notable Asian in Dr. No is Miss Taro, played by Zena Marshall, a Dr. No flunky working undercover at the Colonial Secretary’s office in Kingston, Jamaica. Her brilliant idea to help her boss is sleep with Bond until a nerdy professor can come along to kill that pesky 007. She ends up getting arrested instead. But this sets up a dynamic to be repeated throughout the series. Not quite a case of sisters doing it for themselves.

1964: Goldfinger

The man with the Midas touch can afford to cart around the iconic Oddjob, a hulking brute played by Harold Sakata who flings around a mean bowler hat and can crush golf-balls to a fine powder. And he never got a bit of dialogue. In the novel version, he apparently also ate cats. Greeeat.

1967: You Only Live Twice

And twice is the only way to live, with Nancy Sinatra croaking out a drippy pseudo-Japanese tune that could only come from the 60s. The film opens up in a bedroom with Ling played by Tsai Chin. After some bedroom antics with Bond, Ling presses a button on the wall flipping the bed into an upright position with Bond still on it. She then lets in a couple of gunmen who assassinate Bond. They’re not promoting an idea of crafty backstabbing Asian dragon ladies here at all. The killing, of course, is staged in order to give Bond more freedom to complete his real mission, an entire film that boils down to a big ninjas vs. SPECTRE throw-down in a volcano. Also known as Austin Powers.

Of course, logic necessitates Bond undergoing special surgery to make him look Japanese to uncover the bad guys. And sleep with his friend Tiger Tanaka’s best agents, like Kissy Suzuki, played by Mie Hama, who fell for one of the worst cases of yellowface since Charlie Chan.

Tiger Tanaka was played by the recently deceased Tetsuro Tamba. Tanaka is the head of the Japanese Secret Service in You Only Live Twice, aiding Bond in defeating Ernst Stavro Blofeld, using a team of ninja warriors he just happens to have readily on hand for just such an occasion.

Of course, there has to be an Asian bad guy in this film, and that’s Mr. Osato, played by Teru Shimada. The head of Osato Chemicals and Engineering, he’s also moonlighting for SPECTRE as a henchman of Dr. Evil, um, I mean SPECTRE #1, Ernst Stavro Blofeld. Unfortunately, his worst nightmare comes true: he’s shot by his own boss.

Asians don’t show up much in the next four films, but they return in 1974’s The Man With the Golden Gun. One of the most ridiculous Bonds ever, with an incomprehensible plot about one of the world’s greatest assassins (How many of these guys are around out there? Seriously?) played by Christopher Lee getting his jollies with a solar-powered death ray or something.

Bond’s buddy in this one is Lieutenant Hip, portrayed by Soon-Taik Oh. Lieutenant Hip is largely ignored by everyone, as is bad guy Hai Fat, a Thai multimillionaire played by Richard Loo. Hai Fat’s big purpose in the film is to get shot.

The person everyone’s really paying attention to is Nick Nack, played by French-Filipino actor Hervé Villechaize, who went on to play Tattoo on Fantasy Island.

Nick Nack was an all-around personal assistant to main bad guy Francisco Scaramanga. He was butler, housekeeper and chef, as well as a henchman. Following his master’s death, Nick Nack tries to kill Bond and his girl du jour on a boat and after a short fight (no pun intended), Bond stuffs him in a suitcase and locks him in a wooden cage. Politically incorrect in soooooo many ways.

Skip ahead to 1979’s Moonraker. Riding on the coattails of Star Wars, it’s Bond in space. But to get there, we have to put up with Chang, the Asian enforcer of bad guy Hugo Drax. Chang’s job description included going out to deal with disloyal followers. Played by Toshiro Suga, he runs around in a kendo outfit attacking Bond. Not exactly the subtlest of Bond’s adversaries. Dies a typically ugly death.

1983: Octopussy

Famous for its Rita Coolidge song “All Time High,” because apparently they couldn’t get anyone to sing “Octopussy” with a straight face, Octopussy takes us to South Asia where we meet Kamal Khan and his henchman, Gobinda.

Kamal Khan is an exiled Afghan prince with a penchant for fine food and liquor, priceless jewels, and, naturally, atomic weaponry. Played by Louis “Gigi” Jordan, he dies an ugly death.

Gobinda is played by Indian actor Kabir Bedi, and comes from the Oddjob School of Henchmen. His big line is: “AAAAAAAAiiieeee!” He dies a horrible death, falling off a plane in midflight.

1983: A View to a Kill

The big Asian character is Pan Ho, a nasty but largely silent henchwoman played by actress Papillon Soo Soo. Papillon Soo Soo also brought us the immortal line “Me so horny, me love you long time” in Stanley Kubrick’s Full Metal Jacket. Drowns in a mine shaft, but didn’t sleep with Bond, amazingly enough.

1987: Living Daylights

Technically speaking, Kamran Shah is the main Asian, played by Art Malik. An Oxford-educated deputy commander of the Mujahideen’s Eastern District in Afghanistan, Shah is in a prison on a Soviet airbase and helps Bond escape. Soon he accompanies Bond and Kara Milovy back to his base where all sorts of Orientalist fantasies ensue. Of course, there’s absolutely no connection to the Taliban with this character, as back then we thought they would always be good guys.

1997: The World Is Not Enough

Trying to be timely just as Hong Kong is going to be handed back over to Mainland China, what better way to touch that than to feature über-babe Michelle Yeoh as Wai Lin, a spy for the Chinese People’s External Security Force?

She first encounters Bond while investigating media mogul Elliot Carver’s plan to start a war between China and the United Kingdom, a plot Bond was sent by MI-6 to foil. She manages to hold her own without getting killed, arrested, or relegated to furniture by the end. This film is impossible to watch except in widescreen due to her kicking so many people around from one edge to the other. The bad guy is played by Jonathan “Miss Saigon” Pryce.

2002: Die Another Day

A whole lot of Asian action going down this time! Bond gets captured and tortured by North Koreans, then sent to Hong Kong on a holiday, which is just an excuse to stir up trouble and jump-start the real movie.

Rick Yune brings us a fun nasty as henchman Zao, originally an employee of Colonel Tan-Sun Moon, a North Korean arms dealer in the Korean DMZ. Gets a bunch of diamonds embedded in his face for his trouble. Ugly death: by giant ice cube.

Sir Gustav Graves—a.k.a. Colonel Moon after plastic surgery—is the main bad guy, and the film can largely can be read as a tongue-in-cheek warning about what happens when an Asian man tries too hard to be something he’s not. Like a prissy Eurotrash financier with delusions of grandeur. Sucked into jet engine for his troubles.

Die Another Day does feature good characters, too, like General Moon, played by Kenneth Tsang. Father to Colonel Moon, General Moon assists in Bond’s release back to the West. The North Korean general wishes for a peaceful reunification of Korea, while his bratty son is bent on war. Anyway, he gets shot by his son in the end.

Mr. Chang, played by Ho Yi, gives Bond a tip to go hassle people in Cuba instead of Hong Kong and a heads-up to stop meddling in Asia. All of which makes the character Peaceful Fountains of Desire seem like something of a throwback to Dr. No. Played by Rachel Grant, Peaceful Fountains of Desire tries to get the drop on Bond in Hong Kong. With a massage! Because all Chinese intelligence agents need to dress up in slinky outfits to get information. Hmm. Wai Lin must’ve been busy.

And what about Casino Royale? Our sources suggest we keep our eyes peeled, as Tsai Chin from You Only Live Twice puts in a small cameo.

And if that’s not enough to amuse you, wait. History shows it’s only a matter of time before Bond goes kiss kiss bang bang in Asia again!

•