Editor’s Note: With the revival of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie franchise, Bryan Thao Worra, TMM’s pop-culture vulture, fondly recalls the Ninja Heydays of the 1980s.

NINJAS WE’VE KNOWN AND LOVED

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Overcoming societal prejudice against plodding anthropomorphic reptiles, this rat-guided quartet fought against the bizarre minions of Shredder and the Foot Ninjas only to be ultimately undone by a Vanilla Ice rap that killed the franchise.

Storm Shadow (G.I. Joe): A flunky of Cobra Commander, the psychopathic leader of a ruthless criminal organization determined to rule the world, Storm Shadow was so good at being stealthy he didn’t have to dress in all-black like regular ninjas, but in a positively unstealthy bright white. Convoluted story-telling reveals he’s not such a bad guy, even though he does bring outsider Snake Eyes in to train with his ninja clan, a decision that basically winds up getting lots of people killed over the next 30 years.

Nightbird (The Transformers): Standing out as the first female robot in the original Transformers series, Nightbird was also a ninja robot, because that’s where every technological think tank’s research budget should be going, instead of useful projects like a cure for cancer or preventing global warming. Gets betrayed by the prissy weasel Decepticon Starscream and never heard from again. Hey, when Starscream can take you down, you might as well stay down.

Sho Kosugi: For much of the 1980s, actor Sho Kosugi was synonymous with ninja. The only son of a Japanese fisherman, Kosugi began his martial-arts training at the age of 5 studying karate at a local dojo. Since 1976 to today, if a movie had a ninja in it, he was probably in it, from Ninja III: The Domination to Nine Deaths of the Ninja and Last Ninja In Paris (oh, wait, that’s not a real movie). He even had the infamous Ninjaerobics program.

The Master (TV Series): Lee Van Cleef is an American raised as a ninja who decides to leave, so perpetual bad guy Sho Kosugi goes after him. Cleef gets to America, teams up with Tim Van Patten and turns him into his apprentice until the series gets canceled 13 episodes later. It’s hard to imagine why, with a tagline of “The Master Is Here! He’s the supreme warrior. Even his eyes can kill you. His student is the supreme heartthrob. His eyes can melt you.”

American Ninja (movie): Michael Dudikoff shot to fame in this movie about an American trained as a ninja who fights mercenaries in the Philippines. Not as inventive as Seagall’s Under Siege, where a Navy Seal poses as a cook to take down Tommy Lee Jones, but it worked in a pinch.

Ninjor (He-Man and the Masters of the Universe): A henchman of the steroid-abusing, skull-faced wizard Skeletor in He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, he had the misfortune to be teamed up with the obscure Scare Glow and got his ass handed to him by Clamp Champ and never appeared in the cartoon. Still, points for trying to capitalize on the ninja craze. Also an enemy of Jitsu, a really ridiculous character.

Editor’s Last Word: Thanks, Bryan. Now get some help! •