In the mix this week …

BAI LING BUSTED: Oh what can be said about Bai Ling that hasn’t already been said? (Maybe calling her normal/sane, but we’re not in the business of making things up here). The mentally unstable attention-whore Ling was busted at LAX trying to steal batteries and magazines (two copies of Star to be exact.) And it gets weirder. According to E! News, Bai blamed the bust on a pre-Valentine’s breakup. Or as she blogged on Wednesday, “Life is a sad song sometime but still sings the beauty for their loved ones….” Alone on Valentine’s Day? No wonder she needed those batteries!

OLYMPIC DISS: Steven Spielberg has quit as artistic adviser for the Olympic Games. Darfur activists have been pressuring Spielberg to withdraw his support of the games, with Mia Farrow taking the prize for most-below-the-belt insult, saying the famous director could become the next Leni Riefenstahl (Nazi propagandist) if he continued working with the Chinese government. Other celebrities are expected to follow his lead in hopes of forcing the Chinese government to stop buying oil from war-torn Sudan. With Hollywood star power fading for Beijing 2008, the only thing left going for the games is creative product placement. Oh, and sports. The real losers in this situation are the bicyclists in Beijing, who will no longer be part of a fantastical biking-across-the-moon segment of the opening ceremony.

THE KUNG FU KID: Jackie Chan versus Jet Li? Sign us up! But what’s with the nerdy white kid and all this time travel crap? Upcoming film “The Forbidden Kingdom,” may have a lot going for it, but one major thing sticks out in the trailer: apparently all it takes to switch from Mandarin to English in traditional China is the sudden appearance of an American teenager. In this pairing of screen legends Chan and Li, the plot instead revolves around aforementioned American kung fu-buff (Michael Angarano) and the warriors who love him. As they all fight to save the king, Li and Chan battle over who will mentor the young grasshopper, Liu Yifei (aka Golden Sparrow) is stuck oscillating between kicking ass and swooning. Expect some unnecesary use of the words “dude” and “sweet,” hilarious cultural misunderstandings, and anachronisms out the yin yang.

M.I.A., PRESENT AND ACCOUNTED FOR: Sri Lankan musical groundbreaker M.I.A. has recently found a big fan in designer Marc Jacobs, who commissioned his latest muse to DJ his after party at New York’s Fashion Week. Apparently, even an artist known for highly politicized beats and neon sensibilities needs a little couture in her life. “Last year I wasn’t let into the Marc Jacobs party and this year I own it!” she told Fashion Week Daily. M.I.A. coming back with power, indeed.

KABA MODERN MARVEL: Look, we don’t want to encourage any more crappy reality TV, but occasionally actual talent can be found amidst the wannabes and hasbeens. The talent in this case is UC Irvine dance troupe Kaba Modern and the crappy show is MTV’s “America’s Best Dance Crew.” Save yourself the pain of hack judges and fluffy padding, and check out their moves on YouTube where clips of them appear to be blowing up, and expect your jaw to drop when they bust into two simultaneous dances to Daft Punk’s “Technologic.” These guys and gals are hot, so prepare to crush. Ours is Yuri.

THE ROAD FROM B-WOOD TO THE H-WOOD: In a move that would be shocking, nay incomprehensible, to the Hollywood crowd, Indian leading lady Aishwarya Bachchan actually turned down a role in a Will Smith movie to observe a traditional holiday. Whaaaat? The Bollywood beauty still has a fan in the “Hitch” star, and we can only hope that when Hollywood does have the privilege of working with her, they won’t screw it up. This is one star we shouldn’t expect to see barfing her dignity up outside the S Bar. •

When not braving the sharky waters of the entertainment industry, Laura Turner Garrison spends her time writing, performing comedy, and picking apart Hollywood, one celeb at a time.